There were a farmer that had 3 daughters, they were all going out on a date…but the farmer is really protective and so he decided to meet all of their date (carrying a shotgun)

First one:
Hi my name is Joe, I’m here for flo.
We’re going to the show, is she ready to go?

He thought joe was okay so he let them go.

Second one:
My name is Eddie, I’m here for Betty.
We’re gonna get some sphagetti, is she ready?

He thought eddie was alright ,too, so off they went.

Third one:
Hello my name is Chuck! And the farmer shot him.
References :
Elli’s dirty jokes- from youtube.com

It was mealtime during a flight on a British Airways plane:

‘Would you like dinner?’ the flight attendant asked the man seated in the front row.

‘What are my choices?’ the man asked.

‘Yes or no,’ she replied.

5th Place

A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate to check tickets.

As a man approached, she extended her hand for the ticket and he opened his trench coat and flashed her.

Without blinking an eyelid she said,

‘Sir, I need to see your ticket not your stub.’

4th Place

A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at a branch of Sainsbury’s but she couldn’t find one big enough for her family.

She asked a passing assistant, ‘Do these turkeys get any bigger?’

The assistant replied, ‘ I’m afraid not, they’re dead.’

3rd Place

The policeman got out of his car and approached the boy racer he stopped for speeding.

‘I’ve been waiting for you all day,’ the bobby said.

The kid replied, ‘Yes, well I got here as fast as I could.’

When the policeman finally stopped laughing, he sent the kid on his way without a ticket.

2nd Place

A lorry driver was driving along on a country road.

A sign came up that read ‘ Low Bridge Ahead.’

Before he realised it, the bridge was directly ahead and he got stuck under it.

Cars are backed up for miles.

Finally, a police car comes up.

The policeman got out of his car and walked to the lorry’s cab

And said to the driver,

‘Got stuck, eh?’

The lorry driver said, ‘No, I was delivering this bridge and ran out of petrol!’

SMART AR*ED ANSWER OF THE YEAR 2008

A teacher at a polytechnic college reminded her pupils of tomorrow’s final exam.

‘Now listen to me, I won’t tolerate any excuses for you not being here tomorrow.

I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury, illness, or a death in your immediate family, but that’s it, no other excuses whatsoever!’

A smart-ar*ed guy at the back of the room raised his hand and asked,

‘What would happen if I came in tomorrow suffering from complete and utter s*xual exhaustion?’

The entire class was reduced to laughter and sniggering.

When silence was restored, the teacher smiled knowingly at the student, shook her head and sweetly said,

‘Well, I suppose you’d have to write with your other hand’
References :
my mind!

Gave us an assignment to determine the difference between
potentially and realistically. Can you help me?’
The father thought for a moment, then answered, ‘Go ask your
mother if she would sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars. Then ask your sister if she would sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars, and then, ask your brother if he’d sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars. Come back and tell me what you learn from that.’
So little Johnny went to his mother and asked, ‘Would you sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars?’ The mother replied, ‘Of course I would! We could really use that money to fix up the house and send you kids to a great university!’
Little Johnny then went to his sister and asked , ‘Would you sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars?’The girl replied, ‘Oh my
God! I LOVE Brad Pitt I would sleep with him in a heartbeat , are you Nuts?!!’
Little Johnny then went to his brother and asked, ‘Would you
sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars?”Of course,’the brother
replied. ‘Do you know how much a million bucks would buy?’
Little Johnny pondered the answers for a few days, then went
back to his dad. His father asked him, ‘Did you find out the
difference between potentially and realistically?’
Little Johnny replied, ‘Yes… Potentially, you and I are sitting on three million dollars………
But Realistically, we’re living with two sluts and a queer.

References :