after announcements we always tell a joke, and i dont have one for today. so please give me a quick one.
y do cows have bells ………… cus there horns dont work
or
what do u say when u see ur tv floating in the middle of the night…… DROP IT NIGGA
or
why did the mexicans invent the low rider………. so they could cruze and pic beans at the same time
I need a funny joke for announcments at school?
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April 3rd, 2009 at 5:54 am
Women’s rights
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April 3rd, 2009 at 6:36 am
Q:What has one brown arm, one yellow arm and no friends?
A:A Chinese s h i t stirrer.
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April 3rd, 2009 at 7:06 am
How did Helen Keller’s parents punish her? They left the plunger in the toilet.
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April 3rd, 2009 at 7:27 am
Do not tell them it is a joke when you do it.
Just segue the last announcement into a surprised, but very really authentic voice as possible. Just be you, but stunned and surprised.
". . . And, by the way, I have just been informed by the office to tell you that Barack Obama has decided to change his mind about becoming president and has asked for a special election to determine his replacement by January. I would recommend that if your classroom has a television, put it on channel (insert PBS channel) now to see the press conference."
Ideally, the PBS channel will have on a pathetic kids show. The goofier, the better.
They'll remember you for this. If you do it PLEASE tell me how it went.
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April 3rd, 2009 at 7:34 am
an Illinois man who left the snow-filled streets of Chicago for a vacation in Florida. His wife was on a business trip and was planning to meet him there the next day. When he reached his hotel, he decided to send his wife a quick email.
Unfortunately, when typing her address, he missed one letter, and his note was directed instead to an elderly preacher’s wife whose husband had passed away only the day before. When the grieving widow checked her email, she took one look at the monitor, let out a piercing scream, and fell to the floor in a dead faint.
At the sound, her family rushed into the room and saw this note on the screen:
Dearest Wife,
Just got checked in. Everything prepared for your arrival tomorrow
it is very hot here but you will get used to it
i have =]
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April 3rd, 2009 at 8:11 am
y do cows have bells ………… cus there horns dont work
or
what do u say when u see ur tv floating in the middle of the night…… DROP IT NIGGA
or
why did the mexicans invent the low rider………. so they could cruze and pic beans at the same time
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April 3rd, 2009 at 8:57 am
Did you hear about the clam that went to the disco?
He pulled a muscle!
What is Jackie Chan’s favourite drink?
*yell* Wa ter
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April 3rd, 2009 at 9:28 am
this blond was walking around a rich neighborhood and wanted a bit of cash so she went to the first door of the neighborhood. a man answered the door. The blond said “ermmmmm… is there any jobs you wont doing”
“well you can paint my porch how much would you charge” the man replied
“50 dollars” she said
The man walked into the house.
“who was that at the door” his wife asked him
it was a lady who wants to help us she is charging 50 dollars for painting our porch i have given her the paint and ladders.” he replied
the man waited inside then once again the door knocked he answered it ,it was the blonde lady again he looked at the porch didnt see much different but got out 50 dollars.
then the blond lady said
“by the way thats a ferrori not a porshe
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April 3rd, 2009 at 9:42 am
what do you call a cat with no legs = ground beef. (to be used when the cafeteria is serving beef; especially burgers) then go into reciting the lunch menu. “don’t forget today is hamburger day, or as i like to call it, feline fridays” (our hamburger days were always on friday!) or just say “today in the CAT-feteria!” make some reference about muffins being served, then clarify that’s the name of your cat. this is all lame, i know, but im trying to keep it PG-13. i could have said “what do you call a midget prostitute…. a low blow.”
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April 3rd, 2009 at 10:14 am
I lady with a clipboard stopped me in the street the other day and said, "can you spare a few minutes for cancer research".
So I said, "yes, but we won't get much done".
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I used to work in a zoo circumcisng elephants.
The pay was crap, but the tips were massive.
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Viagra is really inaffective isn't it. It takes about half an hour to get working.
I find that by that time the girl has already escaped.
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Edit*: keep bringing in the thumbs down; it doesn't bother me.
If you take a little bit of humour, you can pïss off.
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April 3rd, 2009 at 11:01 am
ask yr fnds
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April 3rd, 2009 at 11:08 am
A seal walked into a club
arf
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April 3rd, 2009 at 11:49 am
If you drive to school try this:
I was almost late for school today. I had two flat tires. Ran over some broken milk bottles right there in the middle of the street.
(When someone asks if you saw the broken glass, you say)
No, damn kid had them hid under his coat.
Depending on your audience and friends you might want to think this before telling:
What’s the difference between a 600-pound black woman and a bowling ball?
A. If your life depended on it… you could eat the bowling ball.
And this one:
What’s 12-years old and don’t like sex?
A. The kid I got locked in the trunk of my car.
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