Am I the only person who finds this joke hilarious?
Two atoms are walking down the street. One says to the other: “Hey, I think I’ve lost an electron!!”
The other one says, “Are you sure?!”
The first one says, “Yes, I’m positive!!!”
Isn’t that the funniest thing you’ve every heard? I’m going to krappe in my pants!
I’ve heard that one. It’s OK, in my opinion. I like a few other ones that are a bit more subtle.
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Physics professor has been doing an experiment, and has worked out an emphirical equation that seems to explain his data. He asks the math professor to look at it.
A week later, the math professor says the equation is invalid. By then, the physics professor has used his equation to predict the results of further experiments, and he is getting excellent results, so he asks the math professor to look again.
Another week goes by, and they meet once more. The math professor tells the physics professor the equation does work, “But only in the trivial case where the numbers are real and positive.”
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The experimentalist comes running excitedly into the theorist’s office, waving a graph taken off his latest experiment. “Hmmm,” says the theorist, “That’s exactly where you’d expect to see that peak. Here’s the reason.” A long logical explanation follows. In the middle of it, the experimentalist says “Wait a minute”, studies the chart for a second, and says, “Oops, this is upside down.” He fixes it. “Hmmm,” says the theorist, “you’d expect to see a dip in exactly that position. Here’s the reason…”.
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A farmer has problems with his chickens: all of the sudden, they are all getting very sick. After trying all conventional means, he calls a physist to see if they can figure out what is wrong. The physist trys. He stands there and looks at the chickens for a long time without touching them or anything. Then all of the sudden he starts scribbling away in a notebook. Finally, after several gruesome calculations, he exclaims, “I’ve got it! But it only works for spherical chickens in a vaccum.”
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Heisenberg was driving down the Autobahn whereupon he was pulled over by a policeman. The policeman asked, “Do you know how fast you were going back there? Heisenberg replied, “No, but I know where I am.”
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How do you know that the driver driving toward you is a physicist?
He has a red sticker on his bumper, saying: “If this sticker is blue, you are driving too fast.”
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Why did the chicken cross the road?
Aristotle: It is the nature of chickens to cross roads.
Issac Newton: Chickens at rest tend to stay at rest, chickens in motion tend to cross roads.
Albert Einstein: Whether the chicken crossed the road or the road moved beneath the chicken depends on your frame of reference.
Werner Heisenberg: We are not sure which side of the road the chicken was on, but it was moving very fast.
Wolfgang Pauli: There already was a chicken on this side of the road.
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Mathematician, Physicist, Engineer walking through a field come upon a farmer.
The farmer asks what is the best way to construct a fence that will contain his livestock (ie., most area for least perimeter). The physicist does some calculus and concludes that the best way to do this is a square fence. The engineer looks at him and laughs. “No, the best way is a circle”. The physicist concedes and they start building the fence.
The mathematician just sits there for a while and eventually stands up, puts a small piece around himself and says “I declare myself to be outside”.
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An engineer, a mathematician, and a physicist are staying for the night in a hotel. Fortunately for this joke, a small fire breaks out in each room.
The physicist awakes, sees the fire, makes some careful observations, and on the back of the hotel’s wine list does some quick calculations. Grabbing the fire extinguisher, he puts out the fire with one, short, well placed burst, and then crawls back into bed and goes back to sleep.
The engineer awakes, sees the fire, makes some careful observations, and on the back of the hotel’s room service list (pizza menu) does some quick calculations. Grabbing the fire extinguisher (and adding a factor of safety of 5), he puts out the fire by hosing down the entire room several times over, and then crawls into his soggy bed and goes back to sleep.
The mathematician awakes, sees the fire, makes some careful observations, and on a blackboard installed in the room, does some quick calculations. Jubliant, he exclaims “A solution exists!”, and crawls into his dry bed and goes back to sleep.
April 3rd, 2009 at 11:13 pm
It’s amusing, but only just.
References :
April 3rd, 2009 at 11:50 pm
LMAO i love it! i shall go around and spread it
References :
April 4th, 2009 at 12:23 am
Hahahaha, that is really funny, but you have to get it. Like you have to know how atoms and electrons and stuff relate, but it is very funny.
References :
April 4th, 2009 at 1:06 am
I’ve heard that one. It’s OK, in my opinion. I like a few other ones that are a bit more subtle.
———————————–
Physics professor has been doing an experiment, and has worked out an emphirical equation that seems to explain his data. He asks the math professor to look at it.
A week later, the math professor says the equation is invalid. By then, the physics professor has used his equation to predict the results of further experiments, and he is getting excellent results, so he asks the math professor to look again.
Another week goes by, and they meet once more. The math professor tells the physics professor the equation does work, “But only in the trivial case where the numbers are real and positive.”
———————————–
The experimentalist comes running excitedly into the theorist’s office, waving a graph taken off his latest experiment. “Hmmm,” says the theorist, “That’s exactly where you’d expect to see that peak. Here’s the reason.” A long logical explanation follows. In the middle of it, the experimentalist says “Wait a minute”, studies the chart for a second, and says, “Oops, this is upside down.” He fixes it. “Hmmm,” says the theorist, “you’d expect to see a dip in exactly that position. Here’s the reason…”.
———————————–
A farmer has problems with his chickens: all of the sudden, they are all getting very sick. After trying all conventional means, he calls a physist to see if they can figure out what is wrong. The physist trys. He stands there and looks at the chickens for a long time without touching them or anything. Then all of the sudden he starts scribbling away in a notebook. Finally, after several gruesome calculations, he exclaims, “I’ve got it! But it only works for spherical chickens in a vaccum.”
———————————–
Heisenberg was driving down the Autobahn whereupon he was pulled over by a policeman. The policeman asked, “Do you know how fast you were going back there? Heisenberg replied, “No, but I know where I am.”
———————————–
How do you know that the driver driving toward you is a physicist?
He has a red sticker on his bumper, saying: “If this sticker is blue, you are driving too fast.”
———————————–
Why did the chicken cross the road?
Aristotle: It is the nature of chickens to cross roads.
Issac Newton: Chickens at rest tend to stay at rest, chickens in motion tend to cross roads.
Albert Einstein: Whether the chicken crossed the road or the road moved beneath the chicken depends on your frame of reference.
Werner Heisenberg: We are not sure which side of the road the chicken was on, but it was moving very fast.
Wolfgang Pauli: There already was a chicken on this side of the road.
———————————–
Mathematician, Physicist, Engineer walking through a field come upon a farmer.
The farmer asks what is the best way to construct a fence that will contain his livestock (ie., most area for least perimeter). The physicist does some calculus and concludes that the best way to do this is a square fence. The engineer looks at him and laughs. “No, the best way is a circle”. The physicist concedes and they start building the fence.
The mathematician just sits there for a while and eventually stands up, puts a small piece around himself and says “I declare myself to be outside”.
———————————–
An engineer, a mathematician, and a physicist are staying for the night in a hotel. Fortunately for this joke, a small fire breaks out in each room.
The physicist awakes, sees the fire, makes some careful observations, and on the back of the hotel’s wine list does some quick calculations. Grabbing the fire extinguisher, he puts out the fire with one, short, well placed burst, and then crawls back into bed and goes back to sleep.
The engineer awakes, sees the fire, makes some careful observations, and on the back of the hotel’s room service list (pizza menu) does some quick calculations. Grabbing the fire extinguisher (and adding a factor of safety of 5), he puts out the fire by hosing down the entire room several times over, and then crawls into his soggy bed and goes back to sleep.
The mathematician awakes, sees the fire, makes some careful observations, and on a blackboard installed in the room, does some quick calculations. Jubliant, he exclaims “A solution exists!”, and crawls into his dry bed and goes back to sleep.
References :